Sharing Rambling, Resources and Recipes for Learning in Life

Sharing Rambling, Resources and Recipes for Learning in Life

Category: Faith

FaithRamblings

My Faith will Lead to His Grace

By AudreaLeave a comment

If this is still about you, you haven’t learned your lesson yet

Today has been a difficult day. It started with some of the same things that are always hard, staying focused while learning for the girls, complaining that there were things that had to be done. Then on top of that our plans for the day got pushed back by 3 hours and that was devastating to the girls! The fact that this push back also gave precedence to a person who is currently treating me with disdain made it even harder for me to take. Then there is the fact that all of this day is on top of the monumental concerns I have about school in the fall for myself and the girls. And, fear and wondering what the point of this blogging thing is when views took a big dip this month. And, my husband hearing and dealing with the fact that he was told that the job offer he was getting in March when Arkansas shut down for the pandemic will now likely be withheld until there is a vaccine. And, the loss of an uncle, a dear friend and the pending loss of the father of a high school friend.

As you might imagine, I did not take the set back of today’s plans and my daughters’ devastation well. There was definitely my own bitterness and temper at play. That led to my oldest being sent to her room until her daddy got home. Being in her room is something my daughter hates. After I worked on cleaning the house for a while, I would go in to talk to her as she requested. At first, she just kept asking to please have another chance and be let out of her room. I told her that this situation wasn’t about her. Then she changed to apologizing for all the things other people had done to me. I thanked her for her apology and reminded her that it was’t their actions that had landed her in her room, it was her own. And I told her that as long as this situation remained about her that she was not understanding the lesson. My point was that until she was willing to take responsibility for her own actions and put others’ needs above her own desires, she was not getting the point of this lesson and I could not remove her discipline.  

Then it hit me. This is likely what God has been saying to me. Our family is in this prolonged time of waiting and having no idea what God’s plan is. A time where everything feels off and we keep walking forward in faith, but can only see darkness. And we want it to end. We want light and answers. BUT, at least for myself, I have to admit, I just want my answers. I want my way. I am still making this about me. I wish I could also say that this revelation led to a time of repentance and prayer and a feeling of warmth, light and renewal. But to be honest, it hasn’t. I’m sure eventually it will because God loves me and because of that love He cannot remove my discipline until I learn my lesson. And although I know what is right and I see His lesson here, my pain is so big and so raw that I cannot get this whole lesson right now. Because I still want to change my actions and posture and obey SO THAT He’ll give me what I want. Just like my daughter changed enough to apologize for her behavior, but still just to get out of her room. I CAN go that far with God. I’ll put you first and others second and then you let me out of this.  

BUT, that’s not enough. That isn’t the higher calling He is calling me to. He’s calling me to take responsibility for my actions and put others’ needs above my own because that is what is right. He is calling me to wait on Him so I can walk and not grow weary. But, I’m still stuck because the truth that we don’t think about very often in those verses about the strength of youths and eagles is that God strengthens them so that they can go on, not because He’s going to make their way easier or grant them the desires of their heart. Don’t miss my point here. God does grant us the desires of our hearts when we are focused on Him because then we allow Him to teach AND prune us to desire what He has for us. And, what He has and plans IS best. But, it is rarely easy. Right now God is calling me to wait on Him not for a change in circumstances, but for strength to live in the ones I have. He is calling me to accept that His grace is sufficient for me, not to a release from my thorns. AND, I am finding this call hard. Not because what God asks is hard, who does’t want to fly with eagles? BUT, because I want my own way. I still don’t truly trust that His ways are higher (better) than mine. And so, I want my way. And, as long as I make this about me, He can’t take away my discipline. So, here I am.

I know this post doesn’t follow the rules for a good post. I’ve listened to webinars and read about blogging. I’m supposed to offer something actionable like 5 ways to freedom in Jesus. But today, I don’t have a neat tied up package. My daughter and I made it through her lesson and she’s playing with her sister and puppy. But, I’m admittedly still stuck in my stubborn, childish, fearful fit in my soul. My pain is real and raw and big and I can’t find my way to full repentance. I’m taking steps in that direction and feel God with me each step of the way. But, it hurts and I don’t know if I have the strength to get there. But, I will keep rehearsing His truths to guide my steps anyway. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God has a plan and a hope and a future for me. All things work together for good for those who love Him. One step at a time will eventually lead me to full obedience and the ability truly and fully follow Jesus!

What lessons is God working with you on today? Please share so we can pray each other through this.

EducationFaithParentingRamblings

School This Fall

By AudreaLeave a comment
First Day of School!

This is my absolute favorite first day of school picture!! Whitley was headed to First Grade, Brinley to Pre-K, and Adam to his second year in our hometown district. We were all at school (at least the same district) together! It was one of those perfect moments that you cherish and want to freeze in time. In a lot of ways I still wish it would have frozen. If it had frozen I wouldn’t be faced with all the churning emotions I am facing now! This day was the beginning of a dream come true for our family. Adam was finally a full time coach, I was working in Title I which was more aligned with my strengths in data analysis, remediation and coaching and both girls were blissfully headed to a new beginnings at the elementary school I went to and in the district both Adam and I graduated from!

However, nothing about that moment did freeze. The girls are older and facing new dimensions in their education that have me constantly working to stay ahead of them in knowing how best to teach them and help them grow. I am also constantly wondering and evaluating what kind of an education would best meet their needs and help magnify their strengths while strengthening their weaknesses. Adam has stepped away from coaching due to some differences in his faith and feelings and the direction some parts of the athletic department were going. I am now back in the classroom in the Middle School teaching remedial reading. All of these things, topped off with home and virtual schooling through the Corona Virus last spring and the uncertainties of what school will be like in the fall, have made our upcoming return a source of continued angst for me.

I loved the chance to be at home and be the girls’ teacher. There were certainly difficult days as they adjusted to my expectations and I adjusted to their needs. All that while working with my own students online. No matter how difficult the day was, I still loved the chance to be there with them. And they benefited from the chance to have that small group or individual instruction tailored to their needs. As always I want to take EVERY opportunity to recognize the AMAZING teachers my daughters have had and the TREMENDOUS heart and impact they have given and had on the girls. I will never be able to thank them for all that they have and continue to do for the girls. However, my momma’s heart tugs at me every time I think of another year of spending so little time with them and giving up the chance to help them individually and give them such specialized and strategic teaching as can only be afforded in such a low teacher/student ratio.

On top of those concerns, we have the uncertainty of what school will even look like in the fall. Will we all have to wear masks? Will the girls have school every day? Will I be teaching students in the classroom or on the computer or both. Our district is getting a new superintendent for the 2020-2021 school year. And, although, I am ecstatic about this addition to our district, she doesn’t start until July 1st and that means planning for the fall is going much slower than I would like it to. As of today I only have 6 weeks until I return to school for in-service, but I have no idea what school will look like for myself or my daughters when they return in 7 weeks.

In addition to this Adam is contemplating a return to coaching and has made some soft steps in that direction, while still pursuing some other out-of-education options. However, as with our plan for school in the fall, none of that is nailed down for him either. He was on the brink of a job offer the week our state closed down for Covid-19. That job offer still stands tentatively depending on the continued upswing of the company as we start to emerge from shut down.

All of this uncertainty and a longing to be a greater part of my daughters’ lives, education and faith have left me anxious and, quite honestly, full of dread for the upcoming start of school. BUT, God is sovereign, good and LOVE. He loves my daughters more than I do and He has a plan for our family even if we don’t know what it is or if it doesn’t seem to be one we want. So, day after day, I choose to praise Him and leave my cares at His feet. I have to do it day by day and honestly sometimes minute by minute. He is faithful, but my faith is wavering. Yet, I press on towards the upward call of Christ Jesus. I strive to remember all of this is fleeting and temporary and He will give me enough time in those fleeting moments with my babies. He will establish us in Him and that is an establishment that cannot be shaken or overcome.

These are the struggles I am facing today. What are you trusting God to be working out on your behalf? Please share so I can pray for you and your journey of faith!

EducationFaithRamblings

Progress not Perfection!

By Audrea2 Comments
Strive for progress, not perfection. | Lovesvg.com

This is a quote that is quickly becoming a mantra of mine. The strangest thing about that is that I don’t really even like this quote. Now, I think this is marvelous quote for others to live by and I fully support them in their journeys and think this is an excellent way to be! I am so proud of their progress and learning and ability to focus on and celebrate their growth and want to celebrate with them! But, for myself, I find it HARD to do this! I am a perfectionist and if I spend all of my time celebrating baby steps won’t I just become complacent and never reach perfection?

However, as I encounter some version of this idea in seemingly every area of my life, I am adjusting to becoming open to learning from this! I have truly seen this quote or some version of it almost everywhere. I have seen and read it from Kelsey at Hiitburn and I have seen it in Kevin Hart’s posts (who I started following at @kevinhart4real on Instagram in an effort to learn more about the systemic racism we continue to deal with in our nation (he was not using it in reference to racial issues, I believe it was in reference to his own fitness journey). I have seen a version of it from Ruth Soukup from Living Well Spending Less, and from Alida Quittschreiber at The Realistic Mama. I have even seen it in the Bible in Philippians 3: 12 when Paul says he has not yet attained perfection, but he presses on that he may lay hold of what Christ has laid hold of for him.

When I find something again and again and from some many sources I think it deserves my attention. When I see it in scripture I know it is true. I am trying to listen and to understand it more since I have seen it in all these places! Especially since I have seen it in the one place that truly counts, the Bible!

Here are some things I am taking away from this quote.

1 ~ It can mean starting again after you mess up because it is still progress if you learn something.

2 ~ It can mean taking just the next step in front of you whether it is big or small and not worrying about the whole or big picture when you’re overwhelmed.

3 ~ It can mean being kind to yourself when a baby step is all you can take.

4 ~ It means that a baby step in the right direction is better than doing nothing at all or heading in the wrong direction.

5 ~ It can mean adding things to your healthy eating or workout routine INSTEAD of taking things away.

6 ~ It can mean that a TRUE 80/20 rule really does make a positive impact.

7 ~ It means that slow and sustainable is better than fast and too rigid for long term growth and well being.

Since this quote can be seen in the God inspired Word of Him, I must have something to learn from it. And I am slowly learning that my best IS good enough. I am learning that I don’t have to know all the answers or get it ALL right ALL of the time. I am also seeing that my perfectionism is rooted in a false belief that I can get it ALL right ALL of the time on my own if I’ll just try harder or give up more or be better. The reality is I am frail, incapable and completely fallible on my own. Anything I get right or excel at is because of Jesus working in me to make me more like Him. As I keep my eyes on Him and allow Him to do His work in and through me, I will make progress toward perfection. Unfortunately, I must also realize, as it says in the Bible, that I will continue to war with my “old man” (my sin nature) until heaven. That means mess ups, failures, and falling short. My perfectionist nature HATES this. But if I can accept my frailty and lean on and learn from Christ more because of it, He will help me clean up my messes, learn from my failures and reach beyond my limitations in His strength. So, I will strive for perfection through progress. I will keep my eyes on Jesus and “the joy set before” me. I will strive to take up my cross daily and when the road is a slippery, sloppy mess instead of a straight clear path forward, I will repent, ACCEPT His grace and forgiveness and keep moving forward, “not having attained it… but striving toward” Him!

What are your thoughts on this quote? Is it a comfort or a thorn? Have you seen it work in your own life? Please share so we can learn from each other and move forward together!

FaithParentingRamblings

Mary, Martha and two baby girls

By Audrea2 Comments

If you are like me you have heard of the two sisters in the Bible named Mary and Martha. Martha is the hardworking, behind the scenes one who gets all flustered when a bunch of people come to dinner and she feels like she can’t keep up. Mary is the one whose focus remains on Jesus no matter what is going on around her. I’ve heard multiple sermons and lessons on these two ladies and the virtues of both. The trouble I have is that I relate mostly to Martha and wish mostly to be Mary. I’ve always aspired to be a Mary while most of the time remaining a Martha. I have family and friends that are more Maryish than I am and I look up to them.

Now, let me be very clear. I know that Mary minded people are hard workers and get a lot of things done. They are people I lookup to and aspire to become more like. This is because they keep their eyes and focus on Jesus and therefore become more like Him and reflect Him all the more brightly. I tend to be more of a Martha, though. Getting distracted by the things that need to be done and trying desperately to keep up, more often describes me, than someone able to block all that out find and maintain a quiet and attentive relationship with Jesus.

The thing I am starting to realize though, is that although I do have more Martha tendencies, I am able to have attributes of both of them at different times. I may aspire to be a Mary, but Jesus loved Martha just as much as He loved Mary. That means that there are valuable things to be learned from both of them. They were both cherished friends of Christ. They both had a special and deep friendship with Him. It is reassuring to me to know that even though I may get distracted and activity focused instead of Jesus and people focused, I can have a deep and growing friendship with Christ.

As I recognize that even if I am a Martha, I can have Mary moments, I recognize that the things that make us unique are what make us valued. We should not seek to become like someone else (except Jesus), we should seek to be the very best version of ourselves. God made no mistakes when he made us. Each of us is a cherished treasure to him and have things unique to ourselves, temperaments and personalities. We must work to keep our eyes on Him and aspire to become more like Him. In doing that, we will bring the best version of ourselves and the gifts He has given us to help the world and love Him more.

This recognition also helps me treasure and value my daughters. They are just about as opposite as possible. Even to the point that until very recently, when we would have Chili Dogs on Wednesdays at church, one would eat just chili and the other would eat just a hotdog. The girls are very different and have their own unique gifts and treasures to add to our family and all of their relationships. I must make time each day to recognize their gifts and strengths. I must help them to recognize their strengths and teach them how to use them to enrich and bless the lives of those around them. As I treasure them and their uniqueness, I pray that they will recognize their own talents and fall more deeply in love with the God who gave those gifts to them. I pray that if I treasure their gifts and uniqueness it will also teach them to treasure the unique gifts of all those they encounter.

As we recognize the gifted uniqueness God has put into ourselves, we can see that gift in others. If we struggle to see it in ourselves we will likely struggle to see it in others. But, if it is easier for you to recognize the unique giftedness of others than yourself, take heart! Because whether you start with the foundation of your own unique gifts or those of other people, you have to even out the equation so to speak. Just as a math equation has to be balanced on both sides, if God has placed blessed uniqueness in others it must be in you AND visa versa. This has to be true because God created all of us! The only thing that can distort this giftedness is lacking Christ. Once He enters our hearts He lights up the mosaic of the gifts He’s placed within us.

Have you trusted Him with your life and the gifts He’s given you? What unique gifts have you seen Him use either from yourself to others or from others to yourself?

EducationFaithRamblings

Moving from Systemic Racism to Systemic Change

By Audrea2 Comments

I, like so many others, am struggling with what to say. I know what happened to George Floyd is wrong. I know that his death is the latest in a long line of wrongful deaths NOT an isolated incident. I know that things have to change. I know that I want better for my brother and for my future nieces or nephews. I know that most police officers are good. I know that color is a part of who we are, but that it is only a part. I know that I want to be a part of the solution, not just NOT a part of the problem. I know I am broken hearted and I am sorry. That’s about all I know!

I have been watching and I have been listening. I have been doing my best to be open and trying to understand. And, to be honest, I feel like I am hearing a lot of different information and expectations. So, I am left unsure of what to do and say. I have gone back and forth on what to say or if to say. But there are a few things that have been repeated in most if not all of the things I have heard and watched and seen. One of them is that silence is complicit. So, I will share some of the action steps I have heard asked for from me.

Something I have heard as well is that there are a lot of white people, like myself, who want to do whatever we need to do to help move our nation from systemic racism to systemic change. We agree that what has happened is wrong! We agree that we don’t understand! We agree that we have been a part of the problem explicitly or complicitly and we want to be a part of the solution instead!

Some of the action steps I have heard asked for in order to make this change are education, conversation and advocacy.

We should educate ourselves about what IS happening in our country right now that perpetrates or flat out is racism. We must also educate ourselves on the history of racism in our country, so that we can understand the depth of the pain and cost to the black/African American community. We must educate ourselves on what we have or are doing to perpetrate this racism. We must educate our children on the importance of color as a gift to us from God. A gift of diversity meant to deepen, strengthen, and broaden our individual experiences. You see perspective is a powerful thing. It can totally skew reality to a mirage or it can change a mirage into reality. This is because by it’s own definition perspective is limited. It only shows one side or a partial view of anything. That doesn’t mean that perspective is a bad thing, just that it needs to be recognized for it’s limitations. We must take our perspectives and talk to others about their perspectives and remain open enough to REALLY listen to their perspectives and allow their perceptions and perspectives to be added to ours to allow for a more rounded reality. This is one of the most valuable kinds of education we must seek out because it will likely come from our friends and family of other colors and perspectives than ours. And, we can gain the most for those that mean the most to us. We must also be committed to educating our children. We must educate them that all people are valuable because they are people. They are valuable because they are created in the image of God. We must also take it a step further and educate ourselves and our children to advocate and stand up for others when we witness racist or even divisive actions.

The other thing that I have heard asked for is conversation. Find a family member or friend who is ready to talk and have the uncomfortable conversations AND I would add the comfortable ones. Have true relationships. Invest in each other and find out the good, the bad and the ugly together. This investment will pay dividends in developing a broader perspective and the ability to move from sympathy to empathy. That move is another thing that I have heard asked for and Christians commissioned to make. If you do not have the blessing of a friend or family member who is a person of color, then I would encourage you to involve yourself in one of the multiple conversations that people of color are offering on Social Media. They are offering to listen to and answer your questions. The other thing to remember is that these will not be comfortable conversations and NONE of us are ready to have them until we are ready to truly listen. This means we are willing to hear ugly things about ourselves and that we are committed to changing those things. Also, just like racism is not the fault of person’s of color, but is a reality that they have to face, every racist action or reality may not be our fault, but changing it and bringing healing from it IS our responsibility.

I know there is much more to hear, learn and do. These are just a couple of the things I have heard asked for and that I am committing to doing a better job of.

The other MORE important thing I am committing to is prayer. Prayer changes impossible things. Prayer changes impossible people. Prayer changes me. MOST importantly prayer brings the Prince of Peace and the only Perfect Intercessor into an impossible situation. Left to ourselves we focus on ourselves and maybe on our families sometimes. We see our perspective as the whole picture and we leave no room for other’s perspectives to change ours. Prayer helps us to have God’s perspective (the only one that sees the whole picture). Prayer helps lead us to and in the humility we need to change who we are into who we were meant to be.

I hope this post is helpful. I hope this post shows that I am listening, learning and changing. I hope and pray that this post brings comfort to the hurting and glory to Jesus! I pray for each of you and I have SO much to learn. What action steps have you given or heard. Please share so that we can learn from each other!

FaithRamblings

God Winks

By Audrea2 Comments

Recently I posted on Facebook that that day it wasn’t my daughters who were done and over this homeschooling, working from home thing, it was me. That day they had both gotten up, gotten dressed and set to work with focus and determination because they wanted to be free to play and knew work had to come first. There was a huge outpouring of love and support from family and friends in reaction to that post. One in particular caught my eye and my heart. She said she hoped I got a God wink that day.

It caught my heart because I was instantly convicted that maybe He had already winked and I was so grumpy and feeling so sorry for myself that I missed it. Indeed of course He had! I mean did you read what I said about the girls that day! That is NOT typical for us, especially for my oldest who just doesn’t value school or the character growth that comes from doing things she doesn’t want to do (I mean how many of us really do). But, God winked again when a different friend brought Sonic lunch to our door to “help us through the rainy, yucky day”.

Since that day I have been more observant, and as a consequence have caught more of God’s winks. He winked at me yesterday when my workout for the day in my 30 Day Make Fat Cry Challenge was a Yoga flow (I had 0 energy or motivation). He winked at me when my healthier food choices this week finally gave way to some added energy today. He’s winked multiple times this week with beautiful sunrises on my morning walks that I’ve started to get some alone time and exercise during this change in our personal world. I am grateful for my friend’s response, not because it made God wink more, but because it made me more aware of it. He REALLY does care about the little things, that’s why we don’t have to sweat them. If you feel alone and like no one sees you or cares about you, HE does! If you don’t know Him, just ask Him to show Himself to you, He will. Feel free to send me a comment if I can help you get to know Him! He’s TRULY the friend that sticks closer than a brother!

EducationFaithRamblings

Goals, Goals, Goals!

By Audrea2 Comments

It’s back to school time around here. I go back next Wednesday, August 7th and the girls and the rest of the students join us teachers the following Wednesday, the 14th. So, in our house that means we’ve already started setting goals.

My oldest daughter started a homework packet with great gusto at the beginning of the summer. However, her interest and my insistence waned as the summer waxed. Because of that, she has quite a bit left to accomplish before she returns to school. So, she has the goal of completing 2 pages a day. My youngest is just starting to read and I would like her to have more practice before she starts kindergarten. To help with that she has a goal of reading 2 pages in her decodable books each day. The girls’ school offers a superintendent’s award for reading each semester of school based on the AR points that students earn. They earn points by taking comprehension quizzes on books they read or have read to them. In order to reach the goal of getting that award each of the girls set an AR point goal today for the first semester of school.

In the spirit of this goal setting, I am setting some goals for myself with this blog. I already have some health and fitness goals in place to help with my “temple journey”. I have the goal of losing 5 more pounds by September 6th. I have the goal of completing all of the workouts (except the extra Friday ones) in the Beta phase of Focus T25 in this and the next 4 weeks (even with going back to work next week!!). Now I am setting the lofty goal of writing at least one recipe, one family/faith/farming, AND one health/fitness entry a week for the month of August!

I quite honestly only set goals for myself that I am at least 90% sure I can attain! However, I honestly have no idea if I can reach this one with starting back to school and maintaining my work out goals! But, this is something I enjoy; this is something I want to grow! Right now a lot of my life seems outside of my control. I’d like to stay home with my girls, but God continues to call us to school. I like to know that we have enough money coming in to pay all of our bills, but since my husband resigned from his job at the beginning of July (a decision we made together), I don’t know that. He has received a call for an interview this week and has some other applications out and we are trusting God to provide the best career for him. So, in an effort to focus on the things I can control and things I enjoy, I thought it might be a good idea to set a loftier than usual goal in this! It will give me something concrete and enjoyable to focus on when the chaos surrounds and threatens to overwhelm me!

So, here we go!! What are your current lofty goals? I’d love to hear them!

FaithHealthRamblings

Still Going…. Strong!?!

By Audrea1 Comment

I am still going on this journey of weight loss and health and MOST importantly Jesus worship!! Although, I admit that I am constantly having to readjust my focus to the latter and am more often out of focus than in. My self-imposed timeline of September 6th gets me quite off track in the Jesus focus, but also keeps me on the straight and narrow.

I think I will have to work more at keeping focused ALONG WITH staying on track between now and my next post. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I have lost 11 pounds as of this morning and 12.75 inches so far. I have 5 pounds and 5.5 inches left to lose. I have also completed the Alpha Phase of the T25 workouts from Beachbody. I think that is what I can attribute most of my lost inches to. I continue to track my calories on the My Fitness Pal app and have recently adjusted them back up to 1280 a day instead of 1200 at the suggestion of my accountability friend. I was feeling hungry all the time and dizzy sometimes. With that information and her suggestion that people never go below 1200 calories a day I felt it was best to up my calorie setting. I have trouble using up every single allowable calorie. I feel like I have to have a green number on the side of my totals at the end of the day. This way I can leave 20-40 calories on there and still get enough in my body for what I’m doing.

Like I said earlier, my focus isn’t always what it should be, but I’m working to get there. step by step. I am too grumpy about “deprivation” too often. However, it is up to me if I view it as deprivation or working toward a goal. I was just reading an email from Stephanie at Six Figures Under and although it was a budgeting tip from a budgeting blog, it fits for this journey too. She was talking about decisions we can and need to make today that our future selves will be able to thank us for later. And just like starting a new business or blog or setting up a budget or an IRA fund will give our future selves something monetary to thank us for, we can make health decisions that we can thank ourselves for later. We can budget our calories just like our dollars, we can start a fitness commitment just like a business, we can invest in groceries that truly nourish our bodies and sometimes even our souls just like we invest in an IRA. And then our leaner, healthier, happier and (maybe one of these days when I get my focus right) more peaceful future-selves will thank us for that, too!

FaithFarmingRamblings

Forever is accomplished by small steps!

By Audrea2 Comments

Since moving into what both my husband and I pray will be our “forever home” (we would NEVER like to build again), we have been working to make it truly into our home! We moved in over Thanksgiving Break and now it is almost July and it seems we’ve only scratched the surface of the “finishing” touches.

The three MAJOR finishing touches are the fences, the detached garage and the barn. Right now he is outside finishing the front left pasture (thank you Jesus for dead weeks)!! Once that pasture is done we can bring our horse and pony home!! We’ve gotten two bids for finishing the garage, but nothing actually nailed down to get it built on the foundation we have gotten completed. The barn just will not happen until next summer as long as we stick to God’s best principles about money, spending, stewarding, borrowing and saving. And, as we were putting mulch into the flower beds my husband designed, formed and welded for me (yes, he’s that good!!), I thought this is a GREAT step forward. Now maybe you’re wondering, like my mom did, what plants we put in. And maybe you’ll be slightly confused, like she was, when I say, “None!” But our flower beds are now beautifully finished with black mulch that contrasts amazingly with the stone work around the bottom of the house and porch and our lovingly transplanted Iris leaves poking out in the corners! We will look for deals on perennial plants at the end of the season and plant some in early fall if we find any. And, although it is tempting to see what isn’t done, I am coming to realize that the joy is found in seeing what is done and looking excitedly forward to what is yet to come.

So, instead of lamenting the fact that we only have a pad for our garage we should celebrate that that pad is fully paid for and that it means a garage is coming. Instead of wondering or worrying or being frustrated that our flower beds lack flowers I will rejoice that my husband can build flower beds for me, that we had left over metal border from our “old” house, and that he thought to make them for me without my asking. I will rejoice in finding mulch for the sale price we hoped to find at one store and didn’t, but found instead at the next store as the “always” price! And that fencing, well it’s the most amazing part because it’s all paid for too…. AND by this evening will be far enough along that all of us can live here!

So, our forever home may not totally be here yet, but we are here in it. And every new step brings us one more step closer to forever. So it is just up to us if we want those steps to be light and joyful or heavy and hard! It’s all about perspective and choosing to rejoice instead of worry, brood or lament!

FaithRamblings

All This Noise

By Audrea2 Comments

Isn’t it amazing that something that sounds so easy like “Be still and know that I am God.” can be SO HARD!

Lately I feel like I am drowning in a sea of noise. There is actual noise from my lovely and rambunctious and adjusting to a laid back summer schedule daughters. This noise should make me smile and laugh and enter into their imaginary, sunshiney world! However, due to the other noises I’m NOT! Inside my head there is SO MUCH noise. There is unbelievable unrest at work that weighs heavily, even though I am a teacher and I am on summer break! There is unsettledness in my husband’s job as another head coach leaves and a new one is hired and the possibility for getting the job he actually wants at work hangs just out of reach, but possible once again! There is noise that counting calories, and entering EVERY MORSEL that passes my lips is hard and weight loss is slow! There is noise to get up and work out and I don’t to, the girls were up again last night during yet another thunder storm!

I crave the peaceful surrender of being still and knowing that God is God! But even that craving feels like more pressure and more noise! So, I am pressing on. I am trying to just breathe and enjoy the girls! I keep entering EVERY MORSEL I eat and I get my workouts done whether it is early or late. I pray and I try to sing praises! And I wait. There are no answers at work. I can’t always keep up. All I can do is the task right in front of me, because lifting my eyes beyond the next step might just crush me! And I pray that somehow, I’ll find the faith to look up, not to see what’s coming, but past that to my help that comes from the hills.

Maybe God’s help comes from the top of a hill so that looking up hills won’t seem so daunting or hard. So that hills will come to mean sustenance, safety and rescue. If you have any thoughts on how to grow in being still, I’d love to hear them!