Today is a struggle between who I want to be, who I choose to be, and who I feel I can’t help being!

I want to sit like Mary at Jesus’ feet. I want to sit in blissful peace learning from Him and trusting Him to perfectly orchestrate and work out everything around me. I know He is in control! I know he loves my daughters and husband more deeply and more perfectly than I do! I even know that if anything difficult, bad or untoward comes into their paths that He’ll use it for good! However, I feel like Martha!

I worry and pray for resolutions that seem impossible! I struggle to lay every concern and worry at His feet and walk peacefully away. I endeavor to serve with joy and rejoice in a calling that chafes with every step and thought. I seek blissful, faithfull peace and I can’t find it. My reality chafes against my wishes and hopes. My responsibility chafes against my preferences and dreams! I confess and ask and seek His face, presence and strength!

And you know what, it finally comes! Not when I asked for it, not quickly or all at once. But, as I put one foot in front of the other, I find solid ground. As I pray and confess, again and again, I find constant strength. As I focus on Him, I walk right past difficulties. And then, there I am, at the end of an impossible day with a little more faith and a little more peace and a LOT more rejoicing. He IS and ALWAYS will be faithful! It’s not always blissful, but being faithful leads to being faithfull, and being Faith Full leads to strength and peace. Then, strength and peace just might if I let them, lead me to bliss!