I have been a teacher for the last 13 years. Before I became a teacher, I worked in child care at a preschool for 5 years. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was in junior high school. I wanted to teach for the same reason that most teachers go into teaching, because I loved children. I have wanted to be a mother since I was 17 years old and teaching seemed the best fit for that dream since teaching is just about the closest a career can come to mothering. I became a mother almost 8 years ago and since then am learning how to navigate this special journey as a teacher/momma. One of the things that my first principal came to know me for was the advocacy that I would do for my students. If one of them needed something, I would go to whatever lengths I could to get that for them. I really thought that when I was teaching before I became a mother that I was sympathetic and understanding with parents. I would try to see their perspective and put myself in their shoes. But, it wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I even came close to understanding a parent’s perspective. As a teacher/momma, I probably still don’t fully understand or appreciate the perspective, needs and situation of parents who are not educators. But, I am certainly more empathetic as I traverse this education journey with my own daughters.
As I am writing some of my blog posts on the Science of Reading and the Pillars of Reading and as I focus more on growing my blog and the purpose behind it, I am finding a growing passion for helping parents understand that they are their child’s greatest advocate. I know as a mom that I often struggle when the girls are sick with knowing what to do or even how worried to be. That is one of the reason’s I appreciate the group and blog Med School for Moms. As you may be able to imagine, if you’ve read many of my posts, I have not purchased any of their classes or courses. But, I have downloaded several of their freebies and just really appreciate the no nonsense, natural based remedies they talk about. AND I love the fact that it is a doctor/mom who is giving the advice and recommendations. Their mission is to equip moms with the knowledge they need to give them the knowledge and strength to blend with their mother’s intuition to advocate for their child’s health. Reading their articles and downloads, living this life as a teacher/mom, having a child who struggles in and with school, helping my sister with some of her questions as she homeschools and my mom as she foster parents various boys has helped me clarify my passion. I want to give parents more knowledge and resources so that they feel capable, prepared and equipped to advocate for their child’s education.
Parenting is hard! You have this amazing, tiny person you are responsible for. They are an incredible gift and you want everything to be as close to perfect for them as possible! But, even from the very beginning you are struggling to understand what exactly their needs are. You wonder, what does that cry mean, should they still be sleeping, why won’t they sleep, are they too hot or too cold, are you holding them too much or not enough? Are they developing correctly, fast enough. When should I worry if they are not doing the same things as their peers. Are they delayed, slow, growing, independent, dependent? All of these thoughts and concerns swirl around in your head because you absolutely love and are wholly devoted to this little miracle that you are somehow supposed to know how to take care of. Then, as they grow, they develop their own ideas of what your care should look like and that brings a whole new set of concerns and difficulties. When my oldest daughter was a baby I heard someone say that parenting was like having your heart outside of your body walking around. I don’t know if I was just too busy trying to survive her infanthood, she was high maintenance and I went back to teaching when she was 4 months old, but I just didn’t feel that way. My mom watched both of my daughters when they were too small for school, but as soon as they were old enough to go to pre-k, they went to school. When my oldest went to school that saying resonated so deeply within me that it caused some pretty major pain. Then once she started to struggle with school, behaviorally from the moment she walked through the doors and academically from the middle to end of kindergarten, I was beside myself to make things better for her. Through this struggle to help her do well and fit the mold of school, I became acutely aware of how I had missed the mark as a teacher to understand and empathize with parents. This daughter fit the mold of “she gets away with it somewhere” perfectly to explain her behavior struggles. But the thing was, she didn’t. I mean, my husband and I are not perfect parents and I am sure that she gets away with things she shouldn’t. But, we are pretty conservative and some would say strict parents and there is no free-for-all in our house. She was just born very determined, very stubborn and very ingenuitive. She is VERY intelligent, but reading is a HUGE struggle for her. She has always gotten good grades, but her standardized and overall tests are always low. I became passionate about understanding reading because of her, I am compassionate to students and parents of those students who struggle with behavior because of her. At the same time, I am EXTREMELY protective of her. If her heart hurts, mine breaks. If she struggles, I am undone. My heart is literally walking around this world very determined that she knows exactly what to do and can handle it all on her own. And I am following behind, going before and trying to be around to make sure that she can. On the other hand, my second daughter is doing very well in school. Behavior expectations are easier for her to meet and she is EXTREMELY intelligent. But, she does not reach her full potential because it is very hard for teachers to find the time to extend learning for their top students. She also loves to please, so she will sit very sweetly and learn the second or the 10th or the 100th time what she already knows in order to please and help her teacher. So, it may not be evident to them that she needs something more.
These struggles have made me want to help other parents whose children need more or different things in their education. If the fact that I am a teacher can help them answer an academic question, give them the correct questions to ask when they know there is a problem, but don’t know how to ask for help, I want to do that. Parents do know their children the best, if they are involved, loving and focused on their children. I don’t know exactly why this is true since sadly, parents generally get to spend the least amount of time with their children. This happens because of things like school and sports and even things like children’s church and Sunday School. These are good and even great things, but they are equal SO MUCH time spent apart for families. I guess it’s still true that parents know their children best because they are never just one of anything to a parent. We see them at their worst and love them anyway. When we see them at their best we know that is what they’re meant to be! We talk to them and they trust us with their dreams and hurts; their triumphs and failures. Whatever this magic is, you as a parent know your child best. So, if you think something isn’t quite right at school, I want you to have all the tools you need to figure out what isn’t right and the resources you need to make it right (or as right as it can be).
It has been a hard thing for me, who is known in education as a strong, unwavering advocate, to figure out how to advocate for my own children as a teacher/momma. I know the teacher side of things, I know their limitations and the FACT that my child is just one of their students even though they love them SO MUCH! I know about the mandates from the district and the state that limit even the teacher’s ability to do what they think is best. And, because I know all of that, I am reluctant to add to their burden at all, even for my most cherished treasures. But, as my daughters need more than they are getting in school, I am learning to advocate for them. Because they have to be my first priority. I am working to choose to allow all that I know about the teacher’s point of view to cause me to advocate for my daughters with kindness and respect, but NOT to allow it to limit my advocacy for them. So, again, as with SO MANY things in this parenting journey, I am working for balance again. This time balancing what my daughters need with the help I can give them at home and the help they HAVE to get at school. And, I want to do all that I can to help you have the ability, knowledge and resources to do the same for your child. If you have any specific questions or topics that I could answer or cover to help you please share them with me!
7 comments on “Advocacy, one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their children…”
Alaina Carlton
My son (16) is extremely intelligent and has an average of 85-95% in all classes including honors English and Advanced Algebra. He is a thinker, but this sometimes is to his detriment. He can’t test. “He knows all the content but doesn’t do well on the test.” This is a statement I have heard since 5th grade about him. Taking the ACT in a coupe weeks is weighing hard on my momma heart. How is my sweet boy going to get a good score? Why does it have to count for so much? Maybe they will postpone it again. But he must face it soon. As an incoming Junior, testing is mandatory and will get harder if he wants to go to college.
I have asked and asked and asked all educators around me for resources but I have gotten nowhere.
The biggest thing I have discovered is that he puts so much pressure on himself to “ace it” that his anxiety erases his memory.
Did I cause this? Did I put too much pressure on grades? The past two years I focused on effort and showing me the effort before a test. It helped me not be so upset when he “bombed” another test. Thankfully he’s good in class and works hard, so most teachers have shown mercy.
I don’t know how to help him. I know we have talked before and I told him to try some of the tips you gave. But what else can I do??
Does text anxiety have an IEP?
Does he need counseling?
How can I help my child?
cassbeth
Alaina, as a fellow mom I can 100% relate to this:
“The biggest thing I have discovered is that he puts so much pressure on himself to “ace it” that his anxiety erases his memory.”
I see it in my 6 year old day in and day out as we are learning new things and showing what we know. I am praying for you and your son
audreavore9981
Also, I want to tell you, you didn’t cause this!! I have and am seeing test anxiety in more and more types of children whose parents have and are dealing with it in various ways. It is a hard struggle, but it’s NOT your fault. Celebrating his effort is a wonderful gift that you are giving him!!
audreavore9981
I am continuing to look into this more. Here are some things I have found so far:
1. There is very rarely an IEP for Test Anxiety
2. You may be able to get a 504 much easier
3. A 504 will require accommodations like un-timed exams or testing alone or in small group
4. However, my understanding is that 504’s do not go beyond high school, they are inapplicable to college
5. I have seen some articles that list some techniques for helping with test anxiety like positive thinking, visualize what you know, be sure to be well rested as well as well prepared for the test, ignore what anyone else is doing (like how fast they are finishing or things like that)
As I discover more I will share more. Thanks for caring SO much about your son! You are his best advocate and supporter! You are doing well and so is he! For my husband things that helped some were just recognizing that on some standardized tests like the ACT or Praxis or MEGE that he would have to take them more than once. And instead of feeling like a failure because of that we both tried to highlight how it would help him have more peace taking it the second or third time because he’d have a better idea of what he was going to encounter and he could prepare even more specifically and strategically.
audreavore9981
I am going to research this some more and then I will get back with you!
cassbeth
So much of this resonates deeply with me and I am in tears. Your knowledge is extremely valuable. Your compassion and care that strengthens you to do hard things with persistence because it’s the right thing is admirable. I am so very glad to have you on our team as we navigate parenting and educating. Thank you for being you AND for sharing yourself with all of us. We need you!
audreavore9981
Thank you SO much!!