Today is a hard day! I want this to work. Blogging, my TpT store, anything so that I can be home and teach my girls. They are such smart ladies! They have such WONDERFUL teachers! However, their teachers are limited in what they can do for my girls by the curriculum the school uses and the number and behavior of the students in class with my daughters. Those limitations are hard for me to accept as the girls’ mother. I, of course, care about the other children in their classes, but not as much as I care about mine. I KNOW they have two of the best teachers in their building and in our district! I also know that if I could have them at home I could tailor their learning to the best strategies, not just for instruction, but for their own learning abilities.

I am selling some things on TpT, each month goes up. I am making myself write this. But, as I get emails telling me about this expensive class or that expensive course on how to monetize your blog and I check and recheck my sales, I struggle with knowing what to invest and what growth is enough or not enough. If nothing changes financially for my family I cannot stay home with my daughters and I will have to continue to teach in a school that often is at odds with my core beliefs and principles. That is a hard reality. And when I feel stretched as thin as I can go and I am still not gaining followers or getting views and the growth of my sales seems slow, I get discouraged!

That is where I am today. Praying for success, struggling for growth and striving for faith!

I want to quit forcing myself to blog and pouring myself into creating more items for my Teachers Pay Teachers store, Basics Rethought, when it seems like no one is reading. clicking or buying. However, I recently read just a snippet of an email from Lauren Golden, creator of the Free Mama Movement, that was titled “Stop Allowing Yourself to Quit”. Basically it said, don’t give up on your dreams to make money while having more time to spend with your family. So, I am trying to persevere and not allow myself to give up!

This year instead of a New Year’s resolution, I have set monthly goals. In January, I did a Whole 30. In February, I am entering all the food I eat every day into My Fitness Pal. I am doing this in order to keep a handle on what and how much I am eating to try to facilitate the growth of healthier habits and NOT gain back the same ten’ish’ pounds. Also, in February, I set the goal of uploading at least one new product on Teacher’s Pay Teachers each week. I have been able to keep up with that goal, at least by average. I think my goal for March is going to be to blog every day. It may be just a paragraph, it may be a page. But, I want to force myself to NOT give up or stop! So, I am writing this post to get the ball rolling and practice writing when it’s hard or tiring or seems pointless.

I also praise God that when it got too hard yesterday to keep up with getting Nonsense Word Fluency Practice for the six main syllable types on my TpT (Teachers Pay Teachers) account for a friend of mine, that he gave me another day off of school. This time in the form of another “sick” day with my youngest who now has Flu A! He is faithful and even when it may seem like nothing is happening, He is moving. Things are also moving on the job front for my husband. The movement is small and may or may not measure up to change for us, but it is all evidence that God is ALWAYS working on our behalf. Since, He is working for me, I MUST work for HIM!!!

Since starting my store on Teachers Pay Teachers, I have slowly been building up my inventory. One of the things that has been selling are comprehension packets for Middle School books. I am currently working on one for The Magician’s Nephew by CS Lewis. I am in need of it for one of my Middle School classes and it matches what I’ve been selling. However, the process can be a bit lengthy to get it done around teaching, parenting and such. I was super excited about the extra time I got to spend on it Wednesday night while the girls were at church and the extra time I would get to work on it Thursday before my dentist appointment at 2:00. Since, I am a teacher we can take time off in two increments, a whole day or a half day. I was taking a half day for my appointment which meant that I would leave work at 11:30. So, I would have at least an hour and a half to work on it.

THEN, Wednesday night leaving church our youngest was shivering and talking about how cold she was. It was super cold outside, so I really didn’t think much about it at first. Then as we finished getting everyone to bed, I realized that she is never cold. So, no matter how cold it is outside it is strange for her to be shivering and complaining of being cold. I was on my way in to check her temperature when she said, “Momma, my eyes hurt.” Sure enough she had a fever. So instead of taking half a day off, I took the whole day off to be home with her. It’s a blessing to get the chance to be home with your child when they are sick. For several years, my mom had to do that for me because I didn’t have sick time built up after my maternity leaves. However, even with the extra time off it meant no time to work on my “assignment”. In fact here I am at 9:16 pm on Friday, and I have not touched that “assignment” since Wednesday.

On my way to take Brinley to my mom’s today, so that I could be at Whitley’s (our oldest daughter) Valentine’s Party, I was thinking about how you should just expect things to change from the plan when you have children. Yes, my mom still helps even though I’ve got some time built up! I realized that even though these last two days did not result in the productivity or alone time I thought they would, they did bring me several blessings. I have heard, “Momma, you look so pretty!, “You’re so snuggly!”, “I love you!”, “I love snuggling with you!” and so many other sweet things repeatedly. I would not have had those words of encouragement and love or the countless, hugs, smiles, giggles, and kisses if these days had gone according to my plan. Then I realized that perhaps if I would expect the unexpected, if I would expect that my plans will get changed and turned around, I won’t waste so much time being upset about that! Then I can better savor the blessings that often come in what at first looks like a set back. If Brinley had not been sick, I would not have had as much time to spend at Whitley’s party. Even if I had had a chance to leave my classes, I would have had to go to both girls’ parties. Whitley and I rarely get time that is just for the two of us, and I’ve already mentioned several of the sweet things Brinley gave me during our two days together!

So, if I can expect the unexpected, I will find that these setbacks truly are savory!! Have you had any savory setbacks? I’d love to hear about them!

I am wanting very much to have the opportunity to homeschool my daughters next year. This requires God to show up in a new, innovative and huge way for us financially. My husband has been doing his part by looking into jobs that would provide enough income to solely support us. He has made repeated phone calls and sent emails to follow up on different options to be certain he is doing his part. We have both prayed and fasted over these opportunities and situations. I am fearful that God will say no, but I am trying to be faithful in trusting that He will say yes!

In trying to do my part, I have started a Teachers Pay Teachers store called Basics Rethought. Over my relatively short education career, this is my 13th year in teaching, I have seen the pendulum phenomenon happen in education repeatedly. So, the name of my store reflects my teaching philosophy which has developed from watching this not so phenomenal phenomenon. It is where education operates in one lane, such as phonics, for a while and then swings to the far other side, like the whole language approach, and totally drops anything that was working in the phonics approach. Then, a little more time passes, and they swing all the way back to phonics without keeping anything that worked in the whole language approach. I have seen that there is generally some good from all ways of teaching and most “new” ways of teaching are some form of a re-do of a past way of teaching. Therefore, my education philosophy is to keep what works, add what “new” things will work with it, and always look back at what worked in the past. I try to add only things that compliment what I have been successful in the past. I strive to live by the adages, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” and “There is nothing new under the sun.”

This starting of my store has brought its own set of fears. What if no one buys anything? What if I don’t enough money to make any difference? What if someone says something mean or discouraging about what I make? I have thought about putting on my Facebook page that I started this store and asking my friends for their suggestions of what resources they are looking for on Teachers Pay Teachers. This would likely result in more traffic through my store. It would give suggestions of resources I could create and put in my store that are likely to sell. However, as of this writing, I still have not been able to be brave enough to post on my Facebook page. I am trying to overcome these fears, but it is HARD! God has been faithful to sell one of my products each month that I have had my store opened. This is the third month and just today I made my first sale this month. My sales went up six times from December to January!! Of course December’s sales only totaled about 25 cents!!!! If I could possibly or faithfully keep up that kind of growth it will only take me four months to make $2000.00 a month! That is AMAZING, since that was/is my original monthly income goal to allow me to homeschool my daughters next year. Of course that kind of growth would also be supernatural and miraculous.

So, this journey continues to be a big sloppy mess of faith, fears and firsts! I am praying that the faith will soon start to outweigh and outmeasure the fears! Have you ever had a first that was a mix of faith and fears? Which ended up bigger?