This is my absolute favorite first day of school picture!! Whitley was headed to First Grade, Brinley to Pre-K, and Adam to his second year in our hometown district. We were all at school (at least the same district) together! It was one of those perfect moments that you cherish and want to freeze in time. In a lot of ways I still wish it would have frozen. If it had frozen I wouldn’t be faced with all the churning emotions I am facing now! This day was the beginning of a dream come true for our family. Adam was finally a full time coach, I was working in Title I which was more aligned with my strengths in data analysis, remediation and coaching and both girls were blissfully headed to a new beginnings at the elementary school I went to and in the district both Adam and I graduated from!

However, nothing about that moment did freeze. The girls are older and facing new dimensions in their education that have me constantly working to stay ahead of them in knowing how best to teach them and help them grow. I am also constantly wondering and evaluating what kind of an education would best meet their needs and help magnify their strengths while strengthening their weaknesses. Adam has stepped away from coaching due to some differences in his faith and feelings and the direction some parts of the athletic department were going. I am now back in the classroom in the Middle School teaching remedial reading. All of these things, topped off with home and virtual schooling through the Corona Virus last spring and the uncertainties of what school will be like in the fall, have made our upcoming return a source of continued angst for me.

I loved the chance to be at home and be the girls’ teacher. There were certainly difficult days as they adjusted to my expectations and I adjusted to their needs. All that while working with my own students online. No matter how difficult the day was, I still loved the chance to be there with them. And they benefited from the chance to have that small group or individual instruction tailored to their needs. As always I want to take EVERY opportunity to recognize the AMAZING teachers my daughters have had and the TREMENDOUS heart and impact they have given and had on the girls. I will never be able to thank them for all that they have and continue to do for the girls. However, my momma’s heart tugs at me every time I think of another year of spending so little time with them and giving up the chance to help them individually and give them such specialized and strategic teaching as can only be afforded in such a low teacher/student ratio.

On top of those concerns, we have the uncertainty of what school will even look like in the fall. Will we all have to wear masks? Will the girls have school every day? Will I be teaching students in the classroom or on the computer or both. Our district is getting a new superintendent for the 2020-2021 school year. And, although, I am ecstatic about this addition to our district, she doesn’t start until July 1st and that means planning for the fall is going much slower than I would like it to. As of today I only have 6 weeks until I return to school for in-service, but I have no idea what school will look like for myself or my daughters when they return in 7 weeks.

In addition to this Adam is contemplating a return to coaching and has made some soft steps in that direction, while still pursuing some other out-of-education options. However, as with our plan for school in the fall, none of that is nailed down for him either. He was on the brink of a job offer the week our state closed down for Covid-19. That job offer still stands tentatively depending on the continued upswing of the company as we start to emerge from shut down.

All of this uncertainty and a longing to be a greater part of my daughters’ lives, education and faith have left me anxious and, quite honestly, full of dread for the upcoming start of school. BUT, God is sovereign, good and LOVE. He loves my daughters more than I do and He has a plan for our family even if we don’t know what it is or if it doesn’t seem to be one we want. So, day after day, I choose to praise Him and leave my cares at His feet. I have to do it day by day and honestly sometimes minute by minute. He is faithful, but my faith is wavering. Yet, I press on towards the upward call of Christ Jesus. I strive to remember all of this is fleeting and temporary and He will give me enough time in those fleeting moments with my babies. He will establish us in Him and that is an establishment that cannot be shaken or overcome.

These are the struggles I am facing today. What are you trusting God to be working out on your behalf? Please share so I can pray for you and your journey of faith!