This virus is the cause of blessings and curses. Well the virus itself probably isn’t. Mostly it is just a vehicle and our relationship with Jesus or lack thereof determines whether we experience blessings or curses. That is what God has always promised. If we serve Him He will bless us, if we disregard Him He will disregard us. We exist for His Glory and when we stray from the true purpose of existence we experience pain, confusion and even panic. I know all this and yet, though I love Him SO MUCH, I am seeing that I don’t really know him well enough because I don’t trust Him well enough!

My husband was days away from the seemingly perfect job offer that would at the very least offer the future chance to realize our dream of my being able to stay at home with my girls. Then the country shut down to “flatten the curve”! My sales in my Teacher’s Pay Teachers store, Basics Rethought, continue to increase, but not nearly so exponentially as I would need them to in order to replace my income as a teacher. And now I’m running a sale that I should be so excited about because it’s to help teachers as they struggle to plan for additional AMI days. But, I’m torn worrying about the loss of revenue as I offer a discount on all of my products. And I am so angry with myself for being so selfish! So, I find my faith lacking as I face a future that holds no apparent path to MY dreams. But that’s just the thing! My life’s not supposed to be about my dreams, but His GLORY! Therefore, I am in turmoil. I am doing my best to trust Him. I mean, is it really that hard!?! God will either provide “a way where there seems none” and I’ll be home with my girls or He’ll walk through one more year of teaching and parenting with me and “equip” me “as he calls” me! It’s not that hard, BUT it is!! My flesh and spirit are struggling! I am SO thankful for this chance to be paid to be home with my girls and teach them! I am struggling that I still have to teach others at the same time. And the stress of that combination is SO REAL for teachers throughout our country right now!! I am SO grateful that both my husband and my pay remains unchanged! We are truly blessed!! I still worry and stress over the apparent lack for next year’s plan! It is a war waged in heavenly spaces. I choose Jesus and I pray for the strength of faith to “prove” it!